What should you do when you’ve decided to quit weed for your sanity and happiness but you have a partner who is not about to change their own habit just because you’ve decide to change yours?

That’s a tough one, and I don’t have any advice to offer on such a prickly question.  I can offer my thoughts and maybe a suggestion or two, but no real advice because, well, I’m not a relationship counselor.

Thoughts

For context, let’s establish the meaning of partner:  married spouse, significant other, or even a platonic friend or roommate with whom you spend a lot of time and emotional energy.

A partner is someone who has a lot of influence over you, good or bad.  Influence is the key thing to understand here.  Oftentimes, this influence is more indirect than direct.

For example, you tell your partner you’ve decided to quit weed.  Your partner says “fine, do as you wish, don’t let me stand in your way”.  Meanwhile, your partner continues to smoke in front of you and makes little or no effort to either hide or modify their own habit.

Your partner influences your behavior by constantly exposing you to temptation thus making it nearly impossible to quit weed.

If you’re having difficulty in quitting weed, the last thing you need is someone pulling you in the opposite direction even if it’s unintentional.

Suggestions

I hesitate to go on here because I was lucky enough to have a partner who was very supportive when I quit weed, so I can’t say I’m speaking from personal experience, but here goes….

Have a real heart to heart conversation with your partner about why you want to quit and how they can help by at least not exposing their own use in front of you, ever.  Even if they don’t fully understand and have no desire to quit themselves, they will try very hard to accommodate you because they care deeply about you as their partner.  Right?

Say you’ve tried this already and it’s caused more friction in the relationship?  Then you should probably seek professional counseling.

Our relationships are simultaneously the most rewarding and the most challenging components of our lives.  Asking your partner to change anything about themselves, even if it’s to help you out with something you’re struggling with, is a touchy subject to say the least.

So, the best thing to do is find a professional counselor who has a lot of experience and training in unraveling relationship issues.  Here’s a couple of links you may find useful in doing so:

You may want to seek an individual session or two before getting your partner involved.  Make sure your therapist is clear as to your primary reason for seeking help in the first place and make sure they’re also knowledgeable with marijuana dependence.

If you’ve never done this sort of thing before (seeking professional counseling) then it may seem weird or uncomfortable at first.  Just know that you’re not the only one who has sought counseling in this sort of situation and you certainly won’t be the last.

Relationships are very complex and everyone’s is different.  Sometimes when we want to change ourselves for what we feel is for the better, our partners may feel threatened by it and their fear of how the relationship may change may show itself as indifference, denial, or even hostility.

When this happens and you want to keep the relationship intact while still staying committed to your course of self improvement, your best bet is to get professional help.