Do you remember your first time smoking weed? I do. It wasn’t a pleasant experience for me. I was 19 years old (a late bloomer compared to some) and a sophomore in college.
I went to a party where the booze was flowing freely and then a joint got passed around. Since I had been an occasional cigarette smoker since probably 13, inhaling was not a problem.
A few minutes passed by and I felt nothing other than a slight tequila buzz. The joint came back to me and so I inhaled again.
A few more minutes passed by and I’m saying to a friend “Don’t know what y’all see in this weed, it’s not doing a damn thing for me.”
Suddenly the World Becomes Surreal
And then BAM, it hits. The world became surreal. I felt like I wasn’t in my own skin. My heart begins racing. I wanted to run away but all I could do is just sit cross legged on the floor and remain motionless. I think that’s why they call it “stoned”.
I was terrified, out of my wits, I thought I was going to die, and I began praying to God that if He will only get me through this, I will never smoke pot again.
Well, I did get through it, but I didn’t keep my promise.
A few months later, I had made a new friend, and one day he asked me if I wanted to go drive around and smoke a joint. (I’m not condoning dangerous behavior here, just relating my youthful misadventures.)
I told him I’d love to go drive around, but I wasn’t smoking any pot and I relayed my previous experience to him.
First Time Bad, Second Time Good
He was like, “man that happens to a lot of people the first time, don’t worry about it.” I didn’t feel like studying so I was like whatever.
We got in his car, drove out of town, and lit up. For a couple of hours, we rode around the countryside near the University high as kites and ended up at Dairy Queen.
I had an absolute blast. Before you know it, I was asking him all the time if he had any of that good shit.
The Habit Grows
It was still a couple of years before I developed an ongoing habit. I graduated from college, got a job (finally), and settled into the rigors of responsible adulthood.
I actually went about two years after college without smoking weed, tobacco, or anything. About once a week I would throw down some beer with the buds and the rest of the week, I was straight as a razor.
Then I started dating someone who was an all out 420 enthusiast. I didn’t know this at first. It wasn’t until the second or third date that he broached the subject about marijuana. Long story short is we really enjoyed weed and each other’s company for several months.
The relationship barely lasted a year. After that, I got back into the social scene and the group I started hanging with just happened to be stoners.
Everywhere I went outside of work, somebody had a bag of weed. Kindred spirits just find each other I guess.
Dependence Creeps In
This was the period when I really started smoking on a daily basis and would smoke alone as often as not. A decade passed by when pot was just part of my routine. I never thought I was hooked on anything.
I drank occasionally, not often. I tried every party drug there was to try but none of them ever stuck to me that way pot did.
Pot was just my thing. I drank coffee every morning to wake up and smoked pot every evening to wind down. Very seldom did I smoke before going to work but days off were definitely a wake and bake sort of affair.
The years rolled on and I set up a fairly comfortable life for myself. I wasn’t ballin’ by any means but I had a job, a partner, a home, a decent car, and I always had a pretty good stash of weed.
I Felt I Had Become Complacent and Started Looking for Answers
But something just wasn’t right. I had become complacent. I heard from college friends who were living their dream. All I was doing was just living…and smoking weed all the time. I was paying the bills, but just barely, and watching life pass me by.
It finally dawned on me that weed was a huge part of the problem because it sucked all the ambition out of me. So I quit, and I quit again, and again, and again, only to start back up within a few days or a couple of weeks every time.
I was still stuck on this idea that I could smoke every now and then. No way was I ever going to give it up completely.
My problem was that as long as I had it, I would smoke it. I would always find some excuse.
It’s OK, I’ll quit tomorrow. It’s OK, I’ll quit next week. I actually got to where I hated being high, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stand not being high either.
And Then I Finally Quit
I kind of resigned myself to being a stoner for the rest of my life and decided to just monitor and modify my use.
I got stoned one day (like any other) and was doing some research on how to make money off the 420 revolution and stumbled upon some information that really got my attention.
It it actually seemed a little weird or corny at first, but it validated the fact that some people truly do get addicted to weed and that you can eliminate your weed habit on your own and lead a happier, more fulfilling life.
Within the next couple of weeks, I finally broke free of my ongoing weed habit.
It was challenging. I did have a relapse that lasted for three months but overall, quitting long term was easier than anticipated, with the proper guidance that is.
Getting Clarity and Moving Forward
So, my reason for this post was to retrace the footprints of life and figure out how and when I got addicted to pot. It’s hard to say really but sometimes self analysis just helps one to clarify one’s thoughts and feelings on a subject. I don’t blame anybody but myself. I’m an adult and I made my own choices.
Even though I haven’t smoked in a good long while I can tell you that no matter how long you’ve quit, the notion of getting a little pot will still pop into your head from time to time. So I guess that’s why I indulged in this little narrative today.
But I also said it for those of you who are out there sitting on the fence like I was a couple of years ago. Try retracing your steps, revisit your history with marijuana and see if it helps to clarify your thinking which in turn may put you one step closer to living the life you deserve.
Anyway, this is what I was thinking today. Not sure if any of it helps at all, but I hope it does.